


Dreams Upon a Hill

by asmaanixx



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! GX
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-20 06:17:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16550519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asmaanixx/pseuds/asmaanixx
Summary: Johan and Juudai have a conversation on top a grassy hill.





	Dreams Upon a Hill

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. It's been quite some time since I wrote for these two so apologies in advance if anything seems off.
> 
> 2\. It's been quite some time since I wrote anything at all so once again, apologies if anything sounds repetitive, or clunky.
> 
> 3\. I'm iffy about the title. While it's accurate to the content, it sounds weird to me. If anyone can find something better for it, feel free to let me know and I'll change it.
> 
> 4\. I reflected back on this piece and I've realized Johan is pondering about the exact same thing about Juudai as in my other fics about them. I really need to come up with a new topic of conversation. (-_-)

“There you are!” Juudai announced, huffing as he trudged up the grassy hill with heavy legs. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

“Oh?” Johan answered, placing a bookmark to mark his place and gently closing his book. He giggled when Juudai plopped next to him with a heavy breath. “You should work out some more.” Johan commented, poking Juudai’s belly. 

Juudai swatted the advice away. “I’d rather not.”

“Was there anything in particular you wanted to talk about?” Johan cracked open his book. It couldn’t be all that important considering Juudai had closed his eyes and was already well on his way to falling asleep.

“Not really. Was just missing you.” Juudai replied.

“Is that so?” Johan teased knowing full well this wasn’t the case.

“Mhmm.” Juudai hummed.

“The others were busy weren’t they?” Johan asked, getting straight to the root of Juudai’s appearance.

Juudai sighed. Opening his eyes, he propped himself up on one elbow and randomly ripped out some grass from their roots. “Hasselberry and Shou got into another duel over who’s the better brother. Chazz was too busy trying to get Alexis to go on a date with him and dunno why but Fubuki thinks this is a brilliant idea and is helping him out.”

Johan briefly wondered if there was a slight hint of jealousy behind Juudai’s annoyance with Chazz. Did he wish Alexis dated him instead?

Rather than pursuing that line of thought which would undoubtedly hurt him, Johan asked, “And Jim? Don’t you like spending time with him and Karen?”

“I do.” Juudai affirmed. “But they were sleeping. Didn’t feel right to disturb them.”

“You could have been his sleeping buddy.” Johan laughed while Juudai froze.

It took a moment for Juudai to recover. When he did, he replied, “I’d rather not.” Johan’s laughs came to a stop. Fumbling over his words, Juudai carried on. “I mean, not that I would mind because _hello_ Jim is totally fucking hot and who wouldn’t want to sleep with him but I don’t really think he’s my type? I mean, he’s not really someone who I would imagine sleeping with if I imagined at all that is. Most of the time I’m too busy thinking about dueling and all the different ways I can beat people or the different type of decks there are in the world. Did you know that…”

By this point Johan began to tune Juudai out. He doesn’t mean to but he has heard this song before in its many variations. On regular days, Johan would hang on to every word Juudai would say and provide his input wherever he saw fit but today simply is not that day. Despite not knowing Juudai for that long, Johan has made some assumptions about him that have been proven true in one way or another. Like his ferocious appetite. With the amount of energy he dispenses while dueling, Johan wasn’t surprised to find out that Juudai sneaks in a second and sometimes third helping of meals. His physique may not show it, but the boy eats. _A lot_.

Johan does his best to stay away from presuming other people’s sexuality. It’s not his place to decide beforehand and it certainly isn’t right to be making such assumptions. However, there is a small part of him that wondered if Juudai was gay. Johan isn’t sure if their instant connection and deep likeness for each other has influenced that assumption but there is something about Juudai that screamed well, not straight. Apart from Alexis, he hasn’t seen Juudai interact with that many girls. He’s always surrounded by the guys and has never hesitated from being overtly physical. Throwing his arms around them, giving them a playful shove, cracking jokes or playing pranks – they’re all quite normal for Juudai’s behavior. Alexis on the other hand is always treated with some distance. Juudai’s words for her are softer, more rounded. Even though he may be oblivious to some social norms, he’s quite careful as to what he says around her and how he conducts himself. Johan isn’t sure if this difference in behavior is simply a gender thing or if Juudai actually has feelings for her and thus holds himself to better standards.

Johan wants to believe there is nothing except friendship between the two but he can’t. The truth remains Alexis and Juudai have known each other longer and their shared experiences have bonded them together in ways Johan can’t imagine. There very well may be love hidden in there and if it’s mutual, then well, Johan has no business in interfering.

“Yoo-hoo! Johan!” Juudai sang, waving a hand in front of Johan.

“Huh?” Johan broke out of his trance and waited a few seconds so that his eyes can focus back to the present.

“Did you even hear what I said?” Juudai asked with a concerned pout.

“Uhh…” Johan should have an arsenal of dueling related topics that he can randomly throw out and divert Juudai’s concerns, but at the moment nothing came to Johan’s mind. “Sorry.” He admitted. “I must have zoned out.”

“Clearly.” Juudai answered annoyed.

Johan ducked his head. His cheeks were red from embarrassment and he wanted to make it up to Juudai. If only his mind would allow him to.

“Is something troubling you?” Juudai asked, his voice softer and quieter.

Johan looked up at him. There was genuine concern in Juudai’s eyes. It would be so easy for Johan to lay out his worries before this carefree and reckless man but the thoughts that were occupying his mind at the moment weren’t appropriate. He can’t very well tell his new friend that he was pondering about his sexuality. Or that he was speculating the nature of his relationship with Alexis. It’s completely unsavory and now that Johan has gotten the chance to review it, he found it to be a little disgusting. How can he sit there and speculate upon another person’s sexuality like that? Let alone someone whom he claimed to be his friend. Didn’t Johan feel shameful when people back home would gossip about such matters? Making rumors about who’s gay and who’s not and proving their points by poking through one’s entire history? A history which belongs to a living, breathing person. A person who is living _with_ them, in their town, their community, their home. It’s _their_ history and that’s exactly where it should remain – with them. Not be laid naked in front of complete strangers and be picked apart for their amusement.

Despite knowing all this, despite knowing how awful it feels to be gossiped about, Johan went out and did the same. He bit his bottom lip hard so that he wouldn’t cry. He can taste a slight hint of copper. He uses this faint scent to distract himself. That’s all he needs really. A slight shift in his mentality and then he’ll be good. Besides, isn’t that what the others have told him as well? That what he’s going through is merely a temporary phase? That it’s all in his head? That it’ll all eventually go away and he’ll be alright again?

“Johan?” Johan gasps, and turns towards Juudai. With his hand on Johan’s shoulder, and head bent down, he’s gotten awfully closer.

Johan licks his lips and shakes his head slightly. Gulping, he pastes a wobbly, tight smile on his face and says, “I’m fine.”

Juudai sits back, astonished at the blatant lie that was told straight to his face. “Bullshit you’re fine.” He spat. “There’s something clearly bothering you. What is it?”

The truth was on the tip of Johan’s tongue. It will be incredibly easy for it to slip out of his mouth and into the open air but then it will become real. For now, Johan’s thoughts are his own. He can allow them to remain there and he can shame himself for the vile things he conjured up. But once they’re out there… and if Juudai starts to judge him… shame him…

Johan jolted from the fear of such a possibility coming true. He tightened his grip around his book and repeated, “I’m fine. Really. There’s nothing wrong.”

Juudai remained quiet for a few minutes. Johan felt it was uncharacteristic of Juudai to do so. To silently assess another person with a pair of hard, steely eyes. His jaw clenched, and his fingers dug into his red jacket.

“Johan I know it’s only been a few days since we met, but you know that you can tell me anything right?” Juudai spoke tightly as if the words were being forced out of his mouth.

Johan stayed quiet.

Juudai sighed. He lowered his arms, crossed his legs and hung his head.

“It may seem like I have a lot of friends and while I do care about them, the truth is in some ways, I really don’t. We’ve all gotten into so much trouble the past few years and more often than not I’ve ended up having to save their asses. I’m not trying to brag or anything but it’s honestly really annoying. I just want to enjoy a good duel. I don’t want to worry about saving people’s lives. I don’t need that kind of pressure on me. And truth be told, there were times when I really didn’t care. All I cared about was winning. To be honest, I don’t think I’m going to stay in touch with any of them once we’ve graduated.”

Johan took a moment to process all that. Although Juudai did like to be alone most of the times, Johan had always assumed he liked being around his friends too. He had never considered the possibility that Juudai despised them to this extent.

“So what does that mean for us?” Johan asked. Juudai raised his head. “We’ve known each other for a few days and I’m going to be leaving by the end of the semester. Do you think of me in the same way as the others?”

“No.” The answer came instantly and without any sign of hesitation. “It’s weird Johan. With you, it’s somehow different. The way I feel about you, the way I connect to you, maybe it’s because we can both see dueling spirits but I’m not sure. Manjoume can see spirits too but I don’t feel the same about him. He’s always off in his own world and I’m in mine. But with you, I feel well, like someone understands me. Like you want to be friends with me _for me_ not because the world is ending or I had to save your life or anything.”

Juudai laid down before Johan, stretching his legs and arms out. “I don’t know why things have to be so complicated.” He continued. “Why can’t we just be friends for the sake of being friends? Why does there have to be a _reason_?”

“I guess people like knowing that they’re loved.” Johan answered. “If you just stopped talking to them in the future, they will worry and wonder as to what happened. Did they do something to push you away? Did you simply stop liking them? Did you like them at all? These kind of things hurt people Juudai.”

“And that’s what I don’t get.” Juudai answered. “ _Why_ does it hurt so much? Are people afraid of just being on their own?”

“Most people are.” Johan said. “I believe it’s in human nature to crave company. I mean there’s only so long that you can go without interacting with someone. Even if you don’t have family or a lot of friends, you need to socialize with someone to get things done.”

“Dunno how much of that’s true. I mean, with the kind of technology we have today, we can pretty much get and do anything with the tap of a few buttons.” Juudai mused.

“True.” Johan put aside his book and laid beside Juudai. “I still think we need human interactions. You can only go so long without talking to somebody before you start going stir crazy.”

“I think I can manage.” Juudai replied. “Spent most of my childhood that way. So why not as an adult?”

Johan looked at Juudai. “You spent your entire childhood without talking to anyone? Ever?”

“Well, okay maybe not _ever_ but I did spend most of it alone.” Juudai clarified.

“Yeah but they’re not the same things. You might not have had a lot of company but you _did_ interact with people.” Johan pressed.

“Okay, so what’s your point?”

“Don’t give up on people.” Johan spoke softly. “You don’t have to be alone. If you feel like you can’t connect with your friends right now then find ways in which you can. If not dueling, then maybe some other hobbies and activities can help you.”

Juudai smirked. “Me? And have hobbies other than dueling? Have you _met_ me?”

Johan laughed. “True. But hey, there’s a first time for everything.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Juudai dismissed.

They laid in silence for a few minutes. The gentle breeze flowing through their hair and over their face, the birds overhead chirping in their nests, squirrels hopping across the ground to collect their acorns and pinecones – it was all peaceful.

Johan can understand why Juudai wants to be alone all the time. It’s only in moments like this that can you appreciate true beauty. Have time to yourself and build upon your character. Of course character is decided by the choices one makes but it’s also crafted by the few moments of self-reflection. If one doesn’t get the opportunity to reflect upon what they did then how do they learn?

Johan gazed upon Juudai’s sleeping face. It was filled with grace and innocence. For a brief moment Johan felt the indescribable urge to protect that innocence. The way Juudai’s mind works, it doesn’t conform to the outside world’s. As much as Johan wished for Juudai to prevail in his lifestyle, he knew he was going to have a tough time in the real world. Right now he’s protected by the school. He’s being given a roof over his head, clean water to drink and bathe with, as well as fresh and warm food to eat three times a day. All his basic necessities are met leaving Juudai to only worry about passing his grades. And Juudai can’t be bothered with even that at times. But once he graduates and steps outside, he’ll have to worry about these things. He’ll have to think about things like paying for rent and bills, or having to go out and get groceries. Or better yet, having to find a job that will pay him well enough to live on a daily basis.

There’s no doubt Juudai will do great in the dueling industry. He’s one of the brightest and greatest duelists of his generation. But his dueling skills will only take him so far. As Juudai had mentioned himself, he duels for the thrill and the fun of it all. He seeks out the adrenaline rush that will help pump the blood through his veins. Johan doubts Juudai will be able to find all that as a professional duelist. Sure he will get to duel but there are so many other roles that he will have to fulfill as well. He’ll have to give many interviews many of which will poke their noses into his past. He’ll most likely be asked to play out a persona that may or may not be true to himself. Not to mention all the photoshoots and paparazzi and the gigantic fan club he’ll garner. It’ll be a prestigious and celebratory life.

While Johan wished Juudai the best, he really doubted Juudai’s life will be best suited for professional dueling. No, Juudai had a better chance at running solo. Going wherever his heart led him. Who knows, he might just end up creating his own profession. Something so incredibly unique that no one else but Juudai is able to do it.

Yes, Johan can see it now.

He closed his eyes and envisioned the future he wished for Juudai to have within a dream.


End file.
